The reasons why some children are unable or reluctant to eat are varied and complex and I am not a trained professional. I am just a parent with some practical experience of actually overcoming these challenges.
It’s fair to say, feeding Marcus was extremely problematic when he was younger, his feeding difficulties were extreme, and it’s no exaggeration to say that no-one really had a clue how to help. His feeding difficulties were very complex and it’s only really with the benefit hindsight that I can reflect on what worked for us and what did not. It’s important to note that all children are different and what works for one child is not guaranteed to work for another. However, you may find some of the following tips useful.
Here are some of the things we learnt:
If your child won’t eat, don’t take it personally. Try to meal times relaxed and pleasant. Easier said than done, I know. This goes for siblings too. Have meals together regularly. Talk. Play. Sit your reluctant eater at the table with the family so they are involved. If possible, let them put their food on their plate themselves. Always serve at least one thing you know they will eat. Give them a choice and some control over what goes on their plate (and eventually in their mouth).
Never force a child to eat. Encouragement and praise but never force.
Throw the rule book in the bin. Marcus only licked flavoured crisps for well over a year. Then he ate ‘orange spicy purée’ and cake for every single meal for several months ... I know! But what was important was that Marcus enjoyed meal times and stopped being afraid to eat or try new foods.
It will take time, maybe months or even years. Be patient and celebrate every single success, however small. It also doesn’t matter where you are sitting; you might be sitting at the dining table together or eating on a plastic sheet on the floor. As long as your child is comfortable - being around food, touching, playing with and smelling food is where it all starts.
Eat out lots. Let your child see that food is fun and enjoyable. It doesn’t have to be somewhere expensive either - a picnic in the park or your garden is ideal.
Think outside the box. At one time, Marcus loved to chew paint brushes but wouldn’t eat food. So, we made ‘edible paint’ (tomato soup) and put it in a paint pot with his favourite paint brush!
You may find this tricky (I did) but we have relaxed our rules about table manners. Sometimes we allow the TV on or tablets at the table. We let our children get down from the table whenever there is a danger of it all getting too stressful. Meal times need to be fun, enjoyable and safe. Marcus loves watching himself on the iPad so we often video meal-times. We sing songs, make silly noises, play games and distract Marcus while we put new flavours on his tongue and or feed him. Now he can feed himself but distraction remains a really useful tool when eating in a different setting or introducing new foods or textures. We often let him watch his iPad if he’s eating alone but we insist he turns it off when we eat together as a family. Marcus struggles to use cutlery properly. Again we encourage him to use a spoon but we also give him finger-foods and napkins to help him eat in a more socially acceptable way.
Once your child is able to eat solid food, introducing new flavours and textures can be a huge challenge. Marcus started by licking crisps and we struggled to progress from that. We were persisting with puréed food but then I was given the idea of using powdered flavours that would dissolve on his tongue. This was a huge success. We set up an activity with his sisters, putting various flavours in a small paint pallet (we loved our painting equipment). They all dabbed their fingers and brushes in the flavours and tasted. Marcus loved it. We experimented with sweet, savoury and spicy, discovering Marcus’ love of spicy flavours. Marcus’ confidence grew and we added tiny blobs of purée to the paint pallet. His confidence continued to grow as we gradually added more sauces and purées to the pallet, and we learnt what Marcus liked and disliked. We continued like this for a couple of months, always lead by Marcus until we all felt confident he was ready to try something new.
Following Marcus’ cues, we were soon able to feed Marcus a small bowl of ‘orange spicy purée’ twice a day. ‘Orange spicy puree’ is simply a blend of orange vegetables such as sweet potato, carrot or butternut squash roasted with paprika, onion and garlic and blended to a totally smooth texture. This was the only savoury food Marcus would eat for about twelve months. Initially, a meal would be a single tea spoon of purée, slowly building up to a full bowl. Once we had established this as a staple meal, I started sneaking other vegetables in. As long as it was smooth, spicy and orange, everything was fine. If the change was too dramatic, Marcus would refuse it. Very, very gradually, we mixed up the texture of the food. Adding boiled rice or pasta before blending altered the texture but we had to begin my maybe just adding 4-5 pasta pieces and building up to a full portion. Then we added cheese, cream or olive oil to ramp up the calories. After several months, we added a piece of chicken for protein. Eventually, each change was accepted.
Meanwhile, Marcus was developing a love of cake. We regularly took him to cafes and restaurants and fast-food joints to show him that eating was sociable and fun. Even though he never ate, he enjoyed the social aspect of dining out. He began to lick cake crumbs and the fillings and toppings often found their way on his tongue. Again, over a period of a couple of years, this developed into a full-blown love affair with cake! So, for a couple of years he ate nothing but ‘orange spicy purée’ and cake!
Another lovely activity is decorating biscuits and cakes with coloured icing and toppings. Marcus always ended up with sticky fingers which eventually ended up in his mouth. We baked regularly and encouraged Marcus to lick the bowl and the spoon.
Orange spicy purée eventually progressed to curry! Curry progressed to Mexican. Mexican progressed to Chinese food. Marcus then started to really enjoy meat and fish! This was huge progress. He chewed it and spat it out for a long while - that was a pretty gross stage but we worked through it, making sure the meat was tender and cut up into very small pieces.
Macdonald’s Happy Meal soon became a firm favourite. Marcus progressed from licking sauce using a straw to licking the salt from the chips to chewing and spitting nuggets and fries. We encouraged him to eat from the tray and discretely cleared away the chewed food as we went along. Now aged 13, Marcus can clear away a happy meal as fast as most other children!
However, some textures took a very long time to tolerate and there are some that we are still working on. Rice and couscous took ages to introduce; Marcus could feel a single grain of rice in his mouth and would work to to the front of his mouth and spit it out. Pasta also took a while to tolerate but cheese tortellini with pesto and cream is now a staple easy meal. Marcus still will not tolerate anything hard, crunchy or crispy which rules out crisps (potato chips), cereal and fruit. He hates chocolate and sweets (hooray) and won’t eat bread. Breakfast is tricky but who says you have to eat toast and cereal for breakfast? Marcus enjoys a plate of cooked meats, cubes of cheese followed by a giant slice of vanilla cheese-cake to set him up for the day!
Other than that, Marcus eats most things now. Not bad for the boy who didn’t eat anything at all until the age of seven.
It’s fair to say, feeding Marcus was extremely problematic when he was younger, his feeding difficulties were extreme, and it’s no exaggeration to say that no-one really had a clue how to help. His feeding difficulties were very complex and it’s only really with the benefit hindsight that I can reflect on what worked for us and what did not. It’s important to note that all children are different and what works for one child is not guaranteed to work for another. However, you may find some of the following tips useful.
Here are some of the things we learnt:
If your child won’t eat, don’t take it personally. Try to meal times relaxed and pleasant. Easier said than done, I know. This goes for siblings too. Have meals together regularly. Talk. Play. Sit your reluctant eater at the table with the family so they are involved. If possible, let them put their food on their plate themselves. Always serve at least one thing you know they will eat. Give them a choice and some control over what goes on their plate (and eventually in their mouth).
Never force a child to eat. Encouragement and praise but never force.
Throw the rule book in the bin. Marcus only licked flavoured crisps for well over a year. Then he ate ‘orange spicy purée’ and cake for every single meal for several months ... I know! But what was important was that Marcus enjoyed meal times and stopped being afraid to eat or try new foods.
It will take time, maybe months or even years. Be patient and celebrate every single success, however small. It also doesn’t matter where you are sitting; you might be sitting at the dining table together or eating on a plastic sheet on the floor. As long as your child is comfortable - being around food, touching, playing with and smelling food is where it all starts.
Eat out lots. Let your child see that food is fun and enjoyable. It doesn’t have to be somewhere expensive either - a picnic in the park or your garden is ideal.
Think outside the box. At one time, Marcus loved to chew paint brushes but wouldn’t eat food. So, we made ‘edible paint’ (tomato soup) and put it in a paint pot with his favourite paint brush!
You may find this tricky (I did) but we have relaxed our rules about table manners. Sometimes we allow the TV on or tablets at the table. We let our children get down from the table whenever there is a danger of it all getting too stressful. Meal times need to be fun, enjoyable and safe. Marcus loves watching himself on the iPad so we often video meal-times. We sing songs, make silly noises, play games and distract Marcus while we put new flavours on his tongue and or feed him. Now he can feed himself but distraction remains a really useful tool when eating in a different setting or introducing new foods or textures. We often let him watch his iPad if he’s eating alone but we insist he turns it off when we eat together as a family. Marcus struggles to use cutlery properly. Again we encourage him to use a spoon but we also give him finger-foods and napkins to help him eat in a more socially acceptable way.
Once your child is able to eat solid food, introducing new flavours and textures can be a huge challenge. Marcus started by licking crisps and we struggled to progress from that. We were persisting with puréed food but then I was given the idea of using powdered flavours that would dissolve on his tongue. This was a huge success. We set up an activity with his sisters, putting various flavours in a small paint pallet (we loved our painting equipment). They all dabbed their fingers and brushes in the flavours and tasted. Marcus loved it. We experimented with sweet, savoury and spicy, discovering Marcus’ love of spicy flavours. Marcus’ confidence grew and we added tiny blobs of purée to the paint pallet. His confidence continued to grow as we gradually added more sauces and purées to the pallet, and we learnt what Marcus liked and disliked. We continued like this for a couple of months, always lead by Marcus until we all felt confident he was ready to try something new.
Following Marcus’ cues, we were soon able to feed Marcus a small bowl of ‘orange spicy purée’ twice a day. ‘Orange spicy puree’ is simply a blend of orange vegetables such as sweet potato, carrot or butternut squash roasted with paprika, onion and garlic and blended to a totally smooth texture. This was the only savoury food Marcus would eat for about twelve months. Initially, a meal would be a single tea spoon of purée, slowly building up to a full bowl. Once we had established this as a staple meal, I started sneaking other vegetables in. As long as it was smooth, spicy and orange, everything was fine. If the change was too dramatic, Marcus would refuse it. Very, very gradually, we mixed up the texture of the food. Adding boiled rice or pasta before blending altered the texture but we had to begin my maybe just adding 4-5 pasta pieces and building up to a full portion. Then we added cheese, cream or olive oil to ramp up the calories. After several months, we added a piece of chicken for protein. Eventually, each change was accepted.
Meanwhile, Marcus was developing a love of cake. We regularly took him to cafes and restaurants and fast-food joints to show him that eating was sociable and fun. Even though he never ate, he enjoyed the social aspect of dining out. He began to lick cake crumbs and the fillings and toppings often found their way on his tongue. Again, over a period of a couple of years, this developed into a full-blown love affair with cake! So, for a couple of years he ate nothing but ‘orange spicy purée’ and cake!
Another lovely activity is decorating biscuits and cakes with coloured icing and toppings. Marcus always ended up with sticky fingers which eventually ended up in his mouth. We baked regularly and encouraged Marcus to lick the bowl and the spoon.
Orange spicy purée eventually progressed to curry! Curry progressed to Mexican. Mexican progressed to Chinese food. Marcus then started to really enjoy meat and fish! This was huge progress. He chewed it and spat it out for a long while - that was a pretty gross stage but we worked through it, making sure the meat was tender and cut up into very small pieces.
Macdonald’s Happy Meal soon became a firm favourite. Marcus progressed from licking sauce using a straw to licking the salt from the chips to chewing and spitting nuggets and fries. We encouraged him to eat from the tray and discretely cleared away the chewed food as we went along. Now aged 13, Marcus can clear away a happy meal as fast as most other children!
However, some textures took a very long time to tolerate and there are some that we are still working on. Rice and couscous took ages to introduce; Marcus could feel a single grain of rice in his mouth and would work to to the front of his mouth and spit it out. Pasta also took a while to tolerate but cheese tortellini with pesto and cream is now a staple easy meal. Marcus still will not tolerate anything hard, crunchy or crispy which rules out crisps (potato chips), cereal and fruit. He hates chocolate and sweets (hooray) and won’t eat bread. Breakfast is tricky but who says you have to eat toast and cereal for breakfast? Marcus enjoys a plate of cooked meats, cubes of cheese followed by a giant slice of vanilla cheese-cake to set him up for the day!
Other than that, Marcus eats most things now. Not bad for the boy who didn’t eat anything at all until the age of seven.
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